Do you ever wonder if God sees you or knows what you are going through? Psalm 139 speaks directly to these questions. In the first four verses, the psalmist reminds us, “Lord, You know everything there is to know about me. You perceive every movement of my heart and soul, and You understand my every thought before it even enters my mind. You are so intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like an open book and You know all the words I’m about to speak before I even start a sentence! You know every step I will take before my journey even begins.” (The Passion Translation) God does know you, and me, fully and completely, much more deeply than we know ourselves. My recent song, “Working for Good,” is a reminder of the first time I experienced this in a very personal way.
In an earlier blog post on “Psalm 40” (affectionately known as my theme song), I referred to a crucial moment during my freshman year of college that permanently impacted the course of my life. It happened very unexpectedly one evening during a study break in our dorm lobby. I was completely stressed out and overwhelmed as I prepared for our first semester final exams, but I noticed that my roommate was still able to be joyful under the same pressure. When I asked him how that was possible, he responded by sharing Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Two other translations of this same verse read, “In all things God works together with those who love Him to bring about what is good…” and, “…all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”
So, why was this especially significant for me? I had grown up going to church and had also spent many summers attending and working at Christian summer camps. Since arriving at Oberlin, my roommate and I had both been part of a campus Christian fellowship group and a weekly Bible study. However, while I was very accustomed to hearing and discussing scripture passages, the words of Romans 8:28 spoken that night seemed to cut straight to my heart in a very personal way. God, who knew me inside and out, was clearly highlighting this single verse of scripture to open my spiritual eyes to the fact that I didn’t really know Him. He simultaneously revealed my desperate need for Him and His eternal desire for a relationship with me. This encounter with His Word initiated a harvest of the abundance of spiritual seeds He had already planted in my life. As I pondered and responded to his invitation over time, receiving His love and submitting my life to Him, I began a faith journey with Jesus that, as I would later understand, actually saved my life.
Though nearly 50 years ago now, I have often marveled at God’s choice of this particular scripture to reach out for my heart. Only 17 years old at the time, I was already quite independent and accustomed to living away from home for long periods of time. After many summers at camp, two years of active touring with the Newark Boys Chorus, and three years of boarding school, I was far beyond any feelings of homesickness. Rather, there were many things I did not yet understand about why I was actually more comfortable being away from home; despite having a sense that something wasn’t right, I didn’t know how wrong things were. Only years later did I recognize and acknowledge that my childhood home had never felt especially secure, warm, or nurturing; nor was it a place I looked forward to returning to or visiting for any length of time or at any stage of my life, including that first upcoming college Christmas break. While my practical needs were always provided for, my home life was far from emotionally healthy, as described in previous blog posts on the songs, “Joy Comes in the Morning.” “Hope, Sight, and Freedom,” and “You Belong to Me.” Perhaps that year at college, underneath my perceived sense of self-sufficiency, I was beginning to feel, for the first time, the painful reality of this immense family void, something that would take decades to unravel and process more fully.
The combined academic and personal challenges of my first semester were far beyond anything I had previously faced, underscoring my own limited inner strength and resources. I was a young, perfectionistic introvert, ill-equipped to carry such a heavy burden of failure, despair, and hopelessness. As my roommate shared his very real and personal hope in God, he had no way of knowing that I was at a major life impasse, emotionally exhausted and ready to give up, and had already begun thinking about how to end the painful inner battle I hadn’t even begun to put into words. Just a little over two years later, I learned that the father I had never known took his own life at age 51; this was a tragic end to an already painful story, for him and for me. It was also a chilling and sobering reminder of the depth of darkness I had faced not so long before, and a season of awestruck wonder at God’s merciful intervention in my own story.
Right now, it may seem impossible to envision your current situation being used for any good purpose or your pain for blessing. However, I can testify that I am alive today because of the extraordinary grace of God’s powerful hand, carefully preparing every detail of that moment when my now-brother-in-Christ shared a hand-picked Word from God’s heart to mine. God literally turned my life around and brought me back from the edge of being swallowed up in darkness and despair.
“Working for Good” is a musical setting of several scripture verses, beginning with Romans 8:28. This song is dedicated to that college roommate, with deep thanks to God for using his life so powerfully to share the priceless gift of life and hope in Jesus with me. The first section quotes three powerful and victorious verses from Romans 8. This is followed by Philippians 4:6-7, stated in between phrases of the familiar chorale hymn, “Now Thank We All Our God”; we are reminded to rejoice and thank God as we give Him our anxieties and concerns in prayer, then receiving His promised peace that passes all human understanding. Finally, there is a restatement of the first section where all three verses are sung simultaneously, as a “partner song” or “round,” which musically depicts all things working together in harmony.
Regardless of whether or not one chooses to walk with Jesus, pain is part of the human condition. Christians are not spared the seasons that Psalm 23 calls, “the valley of the shadow of death.” In reality, we may be even more deeply attuned to the trials in our own lives and those around us. However, I once heard a pastor say that Romans 8:28 reveals what he called the Christian’s “family secret”: God can take the potentially destructive events and experiences in our lives and use them for good, something no one in this world can do. He can transform what seems meaningless or purposeless into something life-giving. In fact, that is the promise in this verse to those who love God and have committed their lives to His Kingdom purposes.
Our God is in a relentless pursuit of our hearts. He knew exactly how to call me “home” to Himself, and He has faithfully carried me through many challenging situations, bringing light out of darkness over and over again.
He knows you by name, as well, and He is speaking directly to your heart’s needs and longings. Answer His call, take the first step on the road with Jesus, and allow Him to work all things in your life for His good purposes.
Peace and blessings to you!
(“Working for Good” can be found on the album, “Arise and Live!”)
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